Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
