u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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