there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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