i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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