I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
