You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
