i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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