So drunk its hurt
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
