took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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