I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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