This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
