Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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