Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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