what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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