hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
