i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
