talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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