i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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