His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
