he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
