I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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