Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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