What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
