I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
