BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
