Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I'm really busy with my period
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