i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
