girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
