Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
