he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
