How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
