woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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