Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
