I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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