By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
