Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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