i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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