I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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