you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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