lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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