You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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