no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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