I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
handjob tips. give me some.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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