you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
