Whod you bang
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
