She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
