I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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