and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
don't judge my taste in strippers
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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