dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
