Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
