"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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