Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
