Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
