I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
