Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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