oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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