I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
