woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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