why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
