What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
