On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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