Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
