I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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