ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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