i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
