the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
