what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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